October 18, 2014

Wednesday 3rd September-Cleaning in Sequins!

Morning…lush dessert search at Tesco Express unsuccessful so bought dips, crisps and bread sticks to add to the pile heavily laden in the staff room. School buffet lunch failed to help my ‘I’m going to be restrained and good at school’ diet, which after one day is failing miserably. I should have taken heed as when I got into my car yesterday my leggings split hideously, displaying my underwear to the world… thankfully only the steering wheel, so no judgement on whether I use Persil white or not! I rushed into the house and grabbed the first pair of leggings I could find and pulled them on. Whilst driving to work, late and via shop I realised that leggings had sequins down the side..bit over the top and not entirely appropriate for classroom cleaning but hopefully other staff members will have their minds else where, be surrounded by a haze of dust, poor eyesight or think I’m just being stagey.

Off to watch “Go,Go Joseph” later at Woking, so very stagey…love a musical.

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October 18, 2014

Tuesday 2nd September-Alcohol and Chocolate Diet!

Morning…A fun school team meeting last night where conversation should have put us off our lasagne but somehow didn’t. One member went to a PROPER health spa…not sure my Gillian McKeith question about changes in texture after daily colonic irrigation and fruit juices was totally appropriate and when I used the wonderfully descriptive but rather unpleasant word ‘moist’ my dinner table etiquette went down hill fast. I did learn a thing or two and as such my breakfast will be a straight gin, followed half an hour later by a Mars bar and half an hour after that a Vodka…what a revelation that they were good, although not sure I will be allowed to work with children in the future if I follow this regime daily!


Just been to the fridge to take the cheesecake out I bought to take for school INSET lunch. Gob smacked to find that for the second time this year my purchase has been scoffed, but this time by my husband! Apparently, despite the fact that I was out for a meal he thought I’d bought it as a present for them all to eat…I’m often kind like that. Did point out that he has previously told our boys off for eating his food purchases without asking so surely the same rule applied…not sure that went down too well. Off to find shops open before 8.30am with lush desserts.

October 18, 2014

Monday 1st September- Monday blues

Morning…this day has come round so fast and suddenly with the end of the holidays, Monday is once again the most depressing day of the week!

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A day at work preparing my classroom when I haven’t even finished holiday washing is not my idea of fun…four washes on Saturday and Mrs Wishy Washy ran out of washing liquid. I had to wait for a Sunday shop delivery before I could continue. Sadly weather request was ignored so with the arrival of liquid came clouds, rain and the cold and an inability to dry anything at all.

Winston’s gardening skills are going down hill…so far they have extended to useful lawn cutting and bush trimming, an asset to the household. Suddenly he has added plant uprooting which was not in my garden landscaping plan, so he had better watch himself or his role in the family will be restricted to lawn cutting in an extremely restricted area.

October 18, 2014

Sunday 31st August-Who’d have them?

Morning…they say never work with children or animals and after last nights sleep I’m extending that to never have them! I’m presuming children dressed as animals must be doubly horrendous although there is a cuteness there that softens tolerance levels.

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2am woken by bright lights and loud TV which son failed to switch off. 4am woken by meowing cat jumping on bed with present in mouth…I scream and husband promptly reprimands ME for apparently waking the neighbours. Hopefully they were asleep like I wanted to be. I shut him…the cat not the husband, (although it could easily have been both) outside the bedroom. 6am woken by cat meowing to be let back in, so husband eventually after much scratching and noise opens the door. I am then awake at a stupidly early time on a Sunday, having been disturbed one too many times. Husband goes down to make a cup of tea and finds a bird flying round the kitchen so cat doesn’t even do a very good job with his loving gift… a Sunday miracle!

October 12, 2014

Saturday 30th August- A Lullaby Voice!

Morning…woken up early full of cold after ten days in the sun.  Disturbed nights sleep with overactive mind, over heated body and not helped by over furry cat wanting to stretch out next to me.Didn’t want to push him out after he was so pleased to see us and I felt slightly guilty for abandoning him but he’s HOT.

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Washing machine is a bit like me…enjoyed its vacation but doesn’t know what has hit it! Today’s request is dry and windy weather PLEASE.

Happy to hear the milkman arrive an hour after waking as thought he’d forgotten us, so this morning’s breakfast can be tea as well as Lemsip, although obviously not in the same mug and Winston is happy again as free to roam, sprint and hop around the whole garden.

Having tried several times to wake up son and hold conversations with him in order to make him fully conscious I have been informed that my voice sends him back to sleep…he likens my dulcet tones to a Lullaby…how wonderful! This has triggered a LIGHT BULB moment…husband is constantly sleeping and now I know why. Contemplating a new career talking to screaming babies, boring partners and people with sleep problems…surely i’d be very highly paid with such exclusive and individual skills and work plenty of overtime to add to the coffers!

October 12, 2014

Friday 29th August

Morning…up early to return home. No more sun, sights, excess food or alcohol…well for a while! Instead it’s work, washing, wet weather and Winston!

By this evening completely travelled out what with coach, plane and car stuck in an M25 traffic jam…bye bye holiday, hello reality and five baskets of washing piled up waiting to be loaded.

Winston grown and cats and dying plants happy to see us.

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October 12, 2014

Thursday 28th August

Morning…sadly last day but maybe just as well, as I’m sneezing and coming back far fuller of figure than when I went away…can’t afford a new wardrobe.

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Joint ice bucket challenge accomplished on the beach with a paddling pool, so twice the size of a bucket and requiring six bags of ice…thankfully able to warm up in the sea afterwards and husband got more ice over him although I seemed to be screaming twice as loud.


Husband, ever the joker was unusually embarrassed tonight. he decide to make the family laugh by pulling the lift doors open just as they all got in, bent over and farted hideously. Son pushed him out mortified as there was also a poor young lady standing at the back unseen. Her noticing skills were soon heightened by the whole experience.

October 12, 2014

Wednesday 27th August

Morning…don’t want to rub it in but sun is exhausting…will rub in Factor 50 Sun cream which has been unsuccessful so far with preventing sunburn to peeling shoulders and tummy button.

Does this hotel think it’s guests are all size 6/8, something I have only ever dreamed of? Bath towels are size of tea towels and I’d be lucky if they cover my foot never mind my likely to offend private parts…not sure they are up to much of their prime use of drying either…all in all more of a wet flannel experience!

Holiday rep broke the news that no one was coming to our hotel from next resort so husband paid for son’s two bags to take a ride in a taxi…who would have thought two plastic bags would travel with such room and style…hope they were at least designer bags and not blue and red striped value ones! Husband and I went shopping, tried to find a bus stop and after 20 minutes of walking in the midday heat I started to feel dodgy, so husband paid for a 2 day small car rental…sadly not much room and travel style for us two old bags.

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Husband drove us to the top of the mountains to a place called Cap De Formentor. Stunning views but being a passenger as the car climbed the narrow, winding cliff roads my nerves were rattled and climbing like a mountain goat my legs were shaky…hope photos are worth the experience.

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Husband had an evening dress mishap when carrying three glasses to the bar, his trousers fell down. He quickly handed them to son ( glasses not trousers) whilst he hoisted them up and tried to look as if nothing was wrong and behave as though acting the clown is not what he does best..we of course know otherwise.

October 12, 2014

Tuesday 26th August

Morning…shipmates up early as not shipmates for much longer! Suitcases gone, cabins vacated by 8am, coach pick up at 11am to take us to a hotel in Alcudia for three days of catching the last rays of sun before returning home to apparent dire weather.


All going so well until son realised as we entered the hotel door that he had left two bags of clothes on the coach. He sprinted off in a complete panic like a race horse. Meanwhile hotel rep watching the drama unfold asked us if everything was alright…if someone charges out seconds after entering hotel I’d presume there was a problem. Message sent to next drop off point to explain our plight. Son is no Mo Farrah and eventually returned 15 minutes later puffing, red face, flip flops in hand, blackened feet and blisters having raced after the coach for over 5 minutes on scorching hot roads to no avail.

Hotel floors seem to be moving…one too many Pina Colada’s or my body is still at sea.

October 12, 2014

Monday 25th August

Morning…Welcome to Palamos and “Muchas gracias” todays words to remember. Off to Barcelona by coach to visit shops and ramble down Las Ramblas, whilst sons have a tour of the football stadium…hope it doesn’t get messy.

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Las Ramblas purchase was a sparkly fan to keep me cool although husband not a fan of purchase…purple obviously not his colour.

C&A finally found…husband went up to the Home/Man floor and after finding some ladies garments I joined him to look at the home department anticipating cushions, bedding and kitchen ware. Disappointed to learn that ‘Home’ in this instance was Spanish for man, so men’s clothing was all I had to view. They did have a toilet I could avail myself of but needed to go to the top floor to get a coin in exchange for my receipt. Despite vowing never to speak Spanish again nature necessitated it. Ageing, forgetful brain and inept language skills meant I was heard muttering like a lunatic woman “laverbos por favour” continuously as I travelled up the escalators of several floors until I finally reached the staff on top floor and spurted out the words very pleased with myself. I even managed a “Donde?” I didn’t understand the answer but thankfully it was accompanied by a pointing finger.

Boys did get Messi…well a phony photo of him grinning like a Cheshire cat and them standing next to him with their thumbs up.

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