July 28, 2015

Saturday 18th-Sunday 19th July BBQ Laughs & Pizza Delivery!

Morning…a lot of laughs at the school BBQ, so the ageing process has severely increased and my facial muscles and wrinkles seem doomed!

school bbq

The wasp saga was discussed a lot, I was called Pam (from Gavin and Stacey) by our caretaker, did a good old ‘Carry On’ face when I had my photo taken with him (oh Matron!) and of course our party were the last to leave!

carry on face

The journey home was an interesting one and was all about the sausage rolls! There were plenty left over so they were handed out to each of us as a late night car snack. It was pointed out to one colleague that they needed to be careful and mustn’t drop crumbs on the spotless car seat. The retort back was “it’s ok I can put it all in in one go” and with a mouth as wide as a tunnel, the whole sausage roll was stuffed in and the car giggles began! When we passed through the local town it was late night clubbing time and a very drunk transvestite dressed in a Dolly Parton wig, short skirt and stilettos was falling about the street, distracting both us passengers and our driver who struggled to maintain control of the car for laughing!

We arrived home and I found a pizza delivery man at my front door but no one in the house had apparently ordered any…after much discussion, I found myself paying for a pizza that was apparently for my son who was not yet home from work. He had given strict instructions on when the pizza was to arrive, but they had arrived early, so son got a better deal than he’d bargained for, whilst I was out of pocket!


TOPS, our musical society is having a local BBQ today. Normally it is at our house but as we still have no grass and a mound of rubble, some friends who are also in the society have kindly offered their garden.

It’s Sunday. A small but select group were at the BBQ as many were away or otherwise engaged, but laughter lines continue to appear. Fiddler on the Roof memories are still in the garden with the Anatevka sign hanging in the trees.



Jack & Maisise TOPS BBQ

My husband and some of the men started their partying rather earlier than most, which was bad news for some. A small child was talking about zombie turtles now known as zurtles, silly faces were made and some interesting dance moves were demonstrated!

zurtle face

When my husband walked past my son and asked if he would like to feel the wind in his hair, I think he would have appreciated it if he had worn these!

fart photo

The last week at work approaches.

July 26, 2015

Wednesday 15th- Friday 17th July Wasp Crisis & Normal…Really?

Morning…the dishwasher engineer comes out today so here’s hoping that the washing of dishes won’t need to be done by hand any longer. My hands will hopefully continue to be as ‘soft as my face’ without the huge amounts of Fairy Liquid I’ve been using, as this is apparently according to adverts of old what it does, but maybe they won’t be quite as wrinkly!

fairy liquid

My kitchen might also stop being a mess because it would seem that men don’t seem to like washing dishes.

Engineer came, went and is coming back as apparently he had every part, but the one we needed! Thankfully he has made it useable. We have to make sure we don’t let the door go and have to guide it down slowly, as otherwise it might break. Sounds like my body…think I’ve let it go, had no guidance and having to face the fact there are parts that are broken!

It’s Thursday. Husband is talking in his sleep, the dishwasher has lost it’s spring, son number one made a whirlwind appearance last night before his college SLEEPOVER (aged 22) and son number two (aged 19) can’t remember one simple instruction… thank the lord I’m so NORMAL

! me not normal.jpg 1

It’s Friday. Sorry, I lied. I can’t possibly say I’m normal after yesterday! I was seen with leggings round my knees, clutching a bottle of vinegar in the Reception school toilets . This was followed by a sight that has scarred many..me holding vinegar soaked paper towels to my knee and groin area and being fed Piriton over the toilet door by a colleague…couldn’t do it myself as hands were otherwise engaged! Although this is me a little while later…a sad and pained face that my colleagues laughed at.

me after wasp sting

Unfortunately, this is what happens when Year 6 children visit one last time, whilst all the other children move to their new classes and manage to upset an unnoticed wasps nest which then goes on the attack. The sight of children running towards me screaming, surrounded by wasps proved to me that in a WASP CRISIS I’m not great! The children were covered and I called through the door “I need help quickly…WET TOWELS”…why? I’m not exactly sure. The help came…the wet towels didn’t. All the children were brought inside and wasps were everywhere. How I got stung when I was wearing leggings I’ll never know. It was however very painful and I was seen wondering the school walking like I’d been on a horse for far too long, searching for vinegar as someone said this was the answer. The kitchen was shut, but thankfully some was found in the science experiment resources and so I found myself slumped on the toilet seat in a certain position…I gave you the image earlier! As I sat I could hear all the children aged 11 singing in the next door classroom ‘Old Macdonald had a farm’..a crisis in school and you always sing! The pain went on for rather longer than expected and left a mark so that my colleagues went over and above their call of duty. I stuck my dress between my legs and they got the sting suction gadget and were seen kneeling with bottom stuck out of the toilet door as they attacked my raised leg/groin area…mortifying for me and them! I apologise for the sight they had to see, but thank them profusely. We have since heard that wasps don’t leave a sting so mortification could have been prevented…a little!

Happy to get home to large scrapings of this..

bite cream

July 25, 2015

Saturday 11th-Tuesday 14th July Satnav And Name Issues!

Morning…went to see my son’s end of year college concert last night which was very good.

PPa programme

However, getting there was not so good. The Satnav took us to the wrong place and when we finally arrived, after a few phone calls and directions from students, the principle welcomed us and informed us that 20% have this problem which makes a satellite navigation system most useful! It was the first time that I had met this particular man, whose name was Costa. It is not a usual name, so I spent the whole evening referring to him as Costco and being corrected by my son, who seemed to find it embarrassing. Not dissimilar to a situation with my husband who always called one of my son’s teacher’s at junior school, Mr Cheesestring. In fact his name was Mr Cheeseman…all was fine until parents evening when we arrived and my husband shook his hands warmly and without realising said “Good evening  Mr Cheesestring”…the teacher never batted an eyelid, we inwardly cringed.


It’s Sunday. Kitchen floor in oak is now ordered and being fitted mid August, after we come back from holiday. We watched some of our musical society friends perform at the Riverside Arts Centre in Sunbury last night.

heart and soul programme

It was a great concert and then went on to a lovely 25th Wedding Anniversary party at a nearby rugby club, where silver had to be worn. Unfortunately, I was driving, not just myself and my tiddly husband, but a car load of youngsters from one venue to the other. The satnav was again not doing its job properly, so we ended up getting lost and found ourselves stuck behind a break down lorry on a narrow street. It was trying to wheel on a motorbike but blocking the entire street in the process. Husband decided to shout Evil Knieval comments out of the window oblivious of the policeman sitting nearby,youngsters were hysterical, whilst I tried not to panic and hope we didn’t get told off. We arrived and my silver dance shoes were out shone by these…

Ollies silver shoes

We arrived late but the party was great!

silver wedding anniversary party

Sadly, the disco lights sent my labrynthitis eyes loopy and we left in a hurry getting stuck in a traffic jam on the M3 at 12.45am…not a happy ending to a lovely evening.

It’s Monday and the countdown to end of term begins..

It’s Tuesday and more physio today…hoping I don’t take 50 minutes in a traffic jam to get there…no satnav required.



July 23, 2015

Thursday 9th- Friday 10th July Love Is An Open Door.

Morning…Lovely catch up night at the Frog and Wicket pub in Eversley with my very good friend, where after the week I’ve had it, it was a surprise I drank only the ONE glass of wine! My husband has bought me a new selfie stick in a bag, which we tried to use before we left, but we ended up laughing.

selfie stick

I got into a bit of a pickle when trying to disentangle the iPhone from my lovely pink phone case and pulled out the wrong bit, resulting in this…

phone case

yes, now I have a phone encased in a black case not attached to the cover, so unlikely to protect it!

We did manage a selfie photo in the garden but can see this is going to need a bit of work…have since found out there is a button to press on the stick which means the outstretched arm is not quite so necessary!

sue and me

My brain is currently being taken over by the screams of thirty three children shouting “love is an open door” at the tops of their voices as we rehearse and rehearse for our school birthday celebratory assembly…we have the word LOVE to focus on.  Unfortunately when I got home, I found my husband had taken the words of the song literally and left the bi-fold doors WIDE open for any old Tom , Dick and Harry to walk in whilst he popped out for a drink with friends.

love is an open door 1]

Worried about my husband.. went to wake him this evening as he was making tea and had fallen asleep on the sofa. I shouted his name and his dozy reply was “hold on, it’s opening!”. I shouted his name again realising he was still asleep and he said “I was just about to appear in a big show…can’t you just wait until I appear in it!”…it’s a DREAM for goodness sake!

It’s Friday. I believe son and his girlfriend arrived back from Egypt in the early morning. I have spotted him in his bed so can rest easy. The sun is shining and this morning I will be moaning about my new kitchen instead of my family and dodgy body parts. I am not impressed that with a big bang the dishwasher door broke and we can’t shut it, so I have had to wash and dry ALL dishes by hand. Then the lovely bi-fold doors that we spent so much money on to enjoy in the baking sun, can’t be opened because the rubber runner is loose…I’m all ready to be cross at someone, but thankfully these two are the best of friends…sometimes!

best of friends


July 19, 2015

My First Vlog..I Walked 2000 Miles In 15 Minutes!

Well. here it is …my first Vlog for you to enjoy or despair at! I get my words mixed up, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m useless at filming, but I’ll live and learn and you can all have a good laugh. Thank you to my husband for his humorous editing! :-)

July 19, 2015

Monday 6th-Wednesday 8th July Feel Awake & Classy!

Morning…not feeling it today

No its not Monday!

I haven’t been as lively lately which I put down to my bad back and painkillers. I now realise it is down to the new shower gel my son bought and which I accidently used as it was hanging in our shower room! It said it was to help you ‘feel awake’ which is  what I thought I needed, but I failed to see in small letters ‘for men’…100% awake for the three men in my household doesn’t last very long!

shower gel

It’s Tuesday. It’s sad when it is only  Monday and drinking is a necessity. Being a classy sort of girl I drank Pimms with mint leaves and cucumber, but lost the ‘class’ as I drank it from a plastic glass with flowers on it, from Waitrose mind!


Being a classy sort of girl I wore movie sized sunglasses in the staffroom,  as Labrynthitis is messing with my eyes and viewing bright lights is a problem (they were £2 from the M & S sale last year..a bargain!).. I was disappointed to be informed that I am viewed as the Joey Essex of the staffroom! Apparently my reality programme awaits..

Joey Essex cropped

Today I go to the back clinic to learn how to manage my bad back.

It took me over an hour today to get to the hospital ten minutes away and 50 minutes sitting in a traffic jam, thanks to roadworks. My back was feeling better until I sat stationary for so long…ironic that getting to the clinic to attend a class to help manage my back caused it to be worse! Back clinic involved two minutes of various exercises to strengthen my core. I nearly fell off my ball and the speed on the bike didn’t register but I did ok. We then had a chat on posture and I am not to sit, stand or stay in any position for any length of time if I want to help manage my back…so that’s it then, I must alert the Highways maintenance Department and ask if they can inform me of any road works so that I can avoid all traffic jams for starters!

traffic jams

It’s Wednesday. A later get up this morning after a very late return from our Musical Society last night due to junction being closed on the M3 with no notice and our journey being an extra 15 minutes..we were not happy! I moved from Pimms on Monday to wine on Tuesday, so weekly calorie intake on the up! I have just done a bit of Saturday Night Fever dancing at school, so must have lost a few of those calories with my groovy arm movements and turns…hopefully enough for me to have another wine when I go out tonight!

saturday night fever





July 17, 2015

Thursday 2nd-Sunday 5th July Overheating Issues!

Morning…what a hot night. I was tossing, turning, throwing the covers on and off and couldn’t tell if it was the weather or a menopausal issue! Today my new Reception class for September visit and the fan in my room might be my new best friend and never leave my side! I’m not talking about a child here, but an air cooler to aid my overheating body.


My son and girlfriend face timed us and their hotel is indeed a palace..chandeliers and marble staircases.

Egypt palace

It’s Friday. My back has gone after a terribly challenging day yesterday with the new children. I had to be driven home after my back went into spasm and I couldn’t move. Instead of attending an Inset day I am now having to dose up on painkillers and rest in bed. Good luck to my brother who moves from his nearly sea view, two bed flat in Southbourne to a three bedroom house with garden near Boscombe. It’s taken a very long time to complete, so hope it all goes well.

Being laid up in my bed has had it’s advantage today. as we managed to get a FREE black leatherette style three seater, two seater and arm chair from a local facebook site, as I spotted it quickly and husband got in first. I only thought there was one sofa but when husband went round to collect, there were two, so we’ve squeezed them in and were given the cushions as an extra.


It’s Saturday.I was just wondering if the sun and heat was causing a problem for my husband or perhaps forgetfulness is catching! I have just watched him walk downstairs in his boxers and a t-shirt. When I ask “are you intending to put on any shorts today?” the answer was “oh yes, I don’t seem to be wearing any, I forgot!” Thunderstorms and dodgy back kept me awake all night…back to sunny, but breezy this morning.

It’s Sunday. Son is full of how wonderful Egypt is and how very HOT it is! Rain here. Our kitchen floor is still concrete so yesterday we went to the Carpet Trade Centre in Basingstoke to have another look and ask for a second quote for Karndean flooring. It was a tricky place to find, but is apparently a lot cheaper than other places. so fingers crossed…he is coming round later this week to measure up and give us a quote.


July 15, 2015

Monday 29th June-Wednesday 1st July Sleeping Easy & Early Morning Navigating!

Morning…well it was a bit of a shock to rise and shine this morning! I had such a GOOD weekend after the Gig on the Green…my back was just beginning to shout at the amount of dancing and standing up I had done, my voice was beginning to whisper at the amount of loud singing I had sung and my tummy was beginning to get jittery at the amount of alcohol I had consumed…now hopefully follows a week of abstaining and recovery, if I can muster up some self control!

It’s Tuesday. Here starts ten days of worry and little sleep as my son and his girlfriend go to Egypt, which after the recent Tunisian terror attack is a concern for me, a worrying mum! Egypt appears to be on high alert from terrorism and is coloured red on the danger maps, so we have had several hours of wondering what best to do.


I have never been to Egypt, so can’t judge what it might be like, but thankfully Sharm el Sheikh has had security increased and on looking into it more deeply my husband seems convinced it is as safe as it can be. Thankfully my son and his girlfriend have cancelled the trip to the desert riding camels, as apparently there is a risk of kidnapping in these areas. Hoping they have a wonderful time and stay very safe.

FCO 329 - Egypt Travel Advice [WEB] Ed16

I have been given my instructions on him leaving, which is to water the grass seed he has sown and it looks like it will need it, as it is going to be hot, hot, hot here! He obviously didn’t read the instructions which said ‘don’t sow seed during a heat wave’!

HURRAH..Son and girlfriend have arrived safely and he says their hotel is UNBELIEVABLE…presuming the capital letters mean he’s happy with the hotel they are staying in which is called Maritim Jolie Ville Golf & Resort. and my capital letters are because I’m happy he’s reached his destination without any hiccups!

egypt 5

Egypt 3

Egypt 1

Love it that you go and water the new grass seed and seconds after the heavens open and it pours with rain!

grass seed

It’s Wednesday. I went to sleep easy in the knowledge that they had arrived safely in Egypt, but mid sleep was faced with a bright light. I thought perhaps my time had come but NO, husband came to bed and chose to shine a bright torch on his sleeping wife’s face!


I decided to take my early morning wake up very easy this morning, but as I drink my tea I am faced with a silent husband and a chatty Sat Nav woman saying “turn next left.” I ask “are you going somewhere?” and his reply is “you are so sarcastic!” Me? Apparently he was testing his updated version of his Sat Nav…lovely to listen to her interesting dulcet tones, instead of his!

July 12, 2015

Friday 26th-Sunday 28th June Pirates & Gig On The Green!

Morning…today although the weather forecast is sunny I will be sporting black trousers, stripy t-shirt, waistcoat, sash, black hat and eye patch! This is not because one eye is struggling more with hay fever than the other, but because it is Pirate dress up day for dads and lads in school.

pirate day

I will be leading the ‘dads’ and kids in an on mass hornpipe dance later in the grounds and must watch what words come out of my mouth!

Dancer Friend-OMG ..you are actually LEADING a dance!

Me- yes..I might need a few tips on describing steps! We did the grapevine last year and one of the dad asked if the feet needed to go behind or in front…apparently I said “it doesn’t matter which way you want to do it, Mrs ***** likes to go in front but I like to go behind!”…oopsie…I was totally oblivious to what I had said, whilst those around me sniggered and I wondered why!

It’s Saturday. I have never spotted ageing pirates wearing an eye patch over one eye with a white stick, but I would have needed one as completely blind when wearing one!

pirate face

I’m feeling pirate attire should be worn more often, as a boy who has never commented on my dress sense came up and said ” you look really nice”…seriously? and he didn’t have an eye patch!

pirate group

Pirate dance instructions were fine, but dad’s thought they were decorating a real FISH as when I was giving out activity instructions I failed to add the key word Fish BISCUIT. Today it is the local highlight of the year Gig on the Green and the sun is shining!

I seem to have made it on to a few other FB pages this morning…thank the lord I wasn’t dressed as a pirate and it was only Sports Day. The unflattering footwear was bad enough.

romans picture

It’s Sunday. We had such a great time at GOTG yesterday, the sun shone all day and it was hot, hot, hot! Our group of friends, most of who belong to our musical group, all danced freestyle to Uptown Funk, which got everyone on their feet. I have apparently made someone’s day by grooving through their Sunday morning with the video below and she noted ‘impressive moves’, ‘classic whoos’ and a ‘stirling commentary’ from my rather merry husband! The fact that another friend posted a photo of me from a distance saying he was close enough to be entertained, but far away to not be embarrassed when I started dancing, made me wonder about my supposed impressive moves!!

Afterwards we sang some more, danced some more, drank some more Pimms, chattered and ate rubbish! Husband got out his sun protection, army hat and all the ladies bought hippy flowers to wear in their hair.

Hippy ladies

We listened to a mix of tribute bands from Michael Jackson, Frozen, Madonna, Chilli Fighters, Lionel Richie and Coldplay plus some local bands and singers.

Today it is the first time they have had a day two and it is called Unwind. Musical Theatre and big band music…my favourites.

Can’t believe it started to rain but just as the opening singers began to sing the weather brightened up. The afternoon opened with some local friends singing who are in Musical Theatre and we joined in singing with a bit of Joseph with Daniel Boys. The rock choir sang and big band played. When the big band started to play Fosse all the dance group I belong to started to perform the dance we learnt for a show, which was priceless…my brain had forgotten it as nothing is stored once not needed,so it was a very amusing sight!

We listened to Michael Buble and Frank Sinatra tributes and did the kicks to New York, New York. I was shunned when Frank said he was looking for some Las Vegas backing dancers so my friend and I volunteered but were told to sit down as we were not a size six! The best act of the whole weekend was The Jersey Boys tribute band led by Dayle Hodge, a friend of ours, who got everyone up dancing and singing. A fantastic end to the best weekend I’ve had in ages…next year’s GOTG  is already in the diary.


July 11, 2015

Monday 22nd-Thursday 25th June Inappropriate Puddings!

Morning…there is nothing like going to B & Q and buying a wheelbarrow of stuff and finding when you get to the till that your son has your credit card…Where?…back at home! On the plus side I have finished writing my school reports so that is one long winded job ticked off my list.

Husband (from abroad)- Good work, my son. You have successfully blockaded another ‘wheelbarrow of stuff.’ This is to be commended. On an unrelated note…may I enquire as to the nature of the ‘wheelbarrow of stuff’ you were attempting to purchase?


The stuff (flowers, compost and top soil) managed to be paid for with the cash I thankfully had in my purse, but the wheelbarrow, dirtied by the ‘stuff’ was sadly left at the till, much to the disappointment of the management of B and Q.

It’s Tuesday. Today I will mostly be organising a school musical concert and preparing myself for the bronzed, happy wanderer who is coming back from Menorca! I have just enjoyed a piece of toast with butter, marmite and a large piece of paper, which was found when my ageing teeth struggled to chew…how very tasty!


It’s Wednesday. The concert was a success and  the celebratory drink at a pub afterwards rewarding. The mess and snoring have returned, the flowers I planted in the garden two days ago are disappearing, due to roaming hungry rabbit, and a mosquito has decided my ankle was tasty whilst I was asleep! But we are half way through the week.

bite cream

It’s Thursday. We still have various kitchen appliances in our garden. You know your husband is back when you suggest he goes to the dump and he replies with “I’m glad you suggested that I was just going to” and enters the bathroom!

So last night we were celebrating various school birthdays at the pub. I was very reserved (not!) and emptied my handbag for staff to find it hilarious that I should be carrying a bow tie around. It is not a dress up that I secretly enjoy, but I’d forgotten it was given to me for one of my sons and hadn’t taken it out! I also had a slight issue saying sticky toffee pudding after a couple of Pimms!


Unfortunately although the sticky toffee pudding was delicious, the lady eating it says she can never look at one again in the same way. I can’t help that after a Pimms, it is as if I haven’t put my teeth in and the pudding name came out as a “sticky stiffy pudding”..my colleagues laughed and inappropriate remarks were made.

sticky toffee pudding 1

When a colleagues ice cream arrived looking like this, well hysteria reigned! Surely two scoops of ice cream and a wafer could be made to look more appealing and appropriate!? Or does the problem lie with us?

ice cream frog and wicket

The manager was very diplomatic when we apologised for the hilarity and making so much noise and said we added “atmosphere” and it was nice to see us enjoying ourselves…yep we know how to do that!